Keep Moving

I saw this quote on facebook and I really liked it so I thought I would put it on my blog... If you can fly, then fly.... If you can walk, then walk... If you can Crawl, then crawl but for goodness sake keep moving. This quote is from Martin Luther King Junior.

Who would have thought that a white girl from Utah would be inspired by a quote by Martin Luther King Junior?

I love it..
Love Tammy Ballard

rambling

Well it has been a cople of weeks since i Last blogged! Well so much has been going on and I can't even begin to think or talk about it. It just seems as though all of my feelings are mushed up into one. I have dealt with love and loss the thought of loss, fights and laughter and anger... I have delt with pain, hatred, understanding and confusion. I am so mixed up on the inside and feel like I might never feel the same again.
Somethings that I alwayas thought I could count on I can't... Some that I thought I might never be able to count on and I can... I feel as though life has passed me by and if I miss one more boat, I might actually drown. I don't want to feel like I am a pain to anyone and I want people to want to be with me no matter what...
I want hand holding and laughter, I want long taks and smiles I want to catch a glimpse from across the room that I wasn't meant to see. I want love, everlasting love . I want the hurt to go and the love to stay. I want feelings to change and inspiration to prevail.
I am so longing for things that I am not living for what I have now and it has been this way for sometime now. I want this for me and for noone else. It's like my life begain before I could ever really start being myself... I think we find ourselves on a daily basis... Like before, I never really knew that I liked to look at the mountains and that sitting still can sometimes be entertaining. I didn't know that I liked to sit alone with my thoughts and that being alone doesn't neccessarily mean that you "are alone". I want wha I want but need to find satisfaction and gratitude for what I have now. I want to have health, vigor and energy.. I want peace happiness and wealth. I want my boys to have parents that they can look up to and aspire to be like and I want a spouse who has the same intersts as I do. I feel sometimes pulled in so many directions and although I know that I am not alone, I feel like it sometimes or that noone truly understands me. Well one does but she is gone and now im left to kangaroo watch all the time by myself.. I want to work on bettering me but feel like it is a waist of time and that im a loser, but I don't want to feel that way cuz deep down I think I know differently....
love tammy

A Blog

Well it has been a couple of days since I posted something on my blog. I have been realing with my Mother. it was crazy because we thought we were going to lose her and then the doctor came in and told us that she is improving. This is so funny, because she was talking to my father who died three years ago, telling us to raise our hands and the teacher would answer our questions, she thought I was steeling her Diet Coke. I was helping her and she would fall a sleep and then almost spill her drink, so I would go help her. She would wake up and then give me a dirty look and say "that is my Diet Coke and don't touch mine!" She was so mad at me. It was funny. When she woke up it was fun to tell her the stories. She felt bad because she didn't want to be mean to me. I told her it was funny and not to worry about it. I thought it was Hilarious! I am sooo glad that she will be getting out of the hospital soon. I am excited. She is moving in with David and myself. We will take great care of her. I know it will be hard work but after what we went through in the Hospital I am happy to take care of her.

Love Tammy

My Mom

So my Mom has been put in the hospital for the second time in one week. She has a disease called COPD, it is a certain kind of enphazema. This disease is rally bad. She is so addicted to smoking and has been since she was fourteen years old. She has tried to quite over and over again. She just cannot kick it. She lives in a smoke enfested house. She lives with my sister and brother-in-law who take care of her.... well im not sure that is what you call it. She sits in the basement all day long smokes and colors. I am sorry, but she doesn't even comb her hair and doesn't take a bath very often. She cooks dinner for them everynight.

Now this is a lady that can't move and breath, her fingers cramp up because she doesn't have enough oxygen. She takes like 6 Loratabs a day. This is just to get through it. I fill so badly for her. I want her to take responsibility for herself but she is older and they didn't know they were going to be addicted but they are. People are dying because of this disgusting habit and it saddens me to no end.

My father already died because of this same disease and I hate it. Now, my sisters and I are losing our Mother to the same disease. I want someone to be held accountable and I want it now. Now I understand everyone is accountable for themselves and I do understand that, but I can remember a Mother that would play with us, color with us, loved children to no end, she would laugh and she loved being a mother. Her only goal was to be a Mother and because of this horrible habit, she cannot be a good Grandmother. She just doesn't have it in her.

I am done being mad at her. I am done being quiet about this. I dont want another person to be hurt by such incompetence by companies or whoever is responsible.

This habit is not only bad for the person and families of the smokers but it is bad for the environment also. Im done and I hate it.

I want justice and I want it now. The only problem is it won't bring my father back and it won't keep my Mother here. I just know, im mad as hell and I want my Mom back.

I need to focus on making good changes and not focusing on the bad that comes from this but, my Mom turned blue in the emergency room today and it scared the "hell" out of me.

Love Tammy Ballard

What a game!

It was an interesting game against the Pleasant Grove Vikings! It was nice to see the team hitting so well, with everyone contributing.

Way to go Collin on your triple and Martavia came off the bench to have a big hit in the 7th inning as well. The pitching was really good, great job Coye, Blake, Nick and Preston. You guys really came to play the game.

It was a great ralley in the bottom of the 7th, but we fell short and loss the game 13 to 9.

The good part is we finished before the rain really started pooring. We are so excited to see you guys really shine through.

Friends Forever

I love you my friend! You mean everything to me. I know you are going through a very difficult time and I am here for you. I know you can fix your tattered wings fixed and make them fly again. I know you can get your spirit back, see you don't need to find yourself because she is still there; you just need to bring her out. Take this opportunity to do it for yourself. I will walk through the fires of hell with you; maybe even drive off a cliff! I love you so much and your pain I want to take from you so badly. Don't keep everything inside, share with me and together we can over come anything. Phone calls and email chats are definately not enough, but I will take what I can get. I love you so much and you are in my prayers.

love Tammy

How do we figure it out??????/

When does life get so bad and/or crazy that we cannot control it anymore.. When are our feelings more important then those of other peoples. How do we figure out a balance between making ourselves happy or satisfied and keeping those we love happy and satisfied. I wish there was some kind of guide so we can keep ourselves in check....... I want to know when does life get so hard that some people can't take it anymore, that they change in the blink of an eye, that they go against everything that has ever been important? Who are we to judge each other until we walk in anothers shoes. How do we decide what is right or wrong. Who are we to tell others what to do and what should make them happy... How do we go through our lives and keep ourselves happy and content without taking from another. How do we keep from not dying inside without taking from someone else. How do we make the world a better place and leave it better then when we came in. I wish I knew, I wish I could figure it all out.

love ya
Tammy

Baseball Madness!!!!

So here's the deal. I am so irritated about the baseball team. The coach has a haircut policy and all the kids have to have a short haircut. I mean really we aren't living in 1955 for heck sakes. David asked the coaches about it and the coach is like "oh ya, they need haircuts" pisses me off.

David wanted the boys to get haircuts for awhile and so im sure he is happy. The boys don't like their hair short. I don't think it's fair that they can't be individuals. I hate the typical "missionary" cut for heck sakes.

So I will post the pictures I took of the boys so you can see the difference that 24 hours make. Holy Moly.

I love baseball but I really don't like the boys club that comes with it. The funny thing is that every single year the men act like they rule the roost but the women are the ones doing all the paperwork and running the fundraisers and getting most everything done. I am not even talking about the coaches, I mean they really do a great job with the boys. I just don't like people telling me what we should do with my family.

I am trying to instill values into my boys that are individual, don't necessarily go with the grain. Be who you are. Then we get to highschool ball and it all changes.

Oh well can't do anything about it except for blog. HEE HEE

Love ya!!!!!!!

West Jordan Baseball Baby!!!

Coye Ballard

Cody Ballard

Cody (right) and Coye (left)

Cody and Coye made the West Jordan High School 9th grade Baseball Team. We are so proud of them and they are so excited. They were pretty confident but I was nervous.

I thought it would be fun to post some pictures of them in their uniforms. I love a "man" in a "uniform", don't you? They are so cute. They are growing up way to fast and I am freaking out! I love them and when I think of them, I remember them as five not almost fifteen.

Well we have our first Tournament in St. George next weekend. I will blog about it and let everyone know how it goes.

Love ya

My great self

So, I decided to post something today. Sunday nights i seem to get really energized. I enjoy Sunday evenings because I love getting ready for the week. I then have a hard time sleeping because my mind goes 1 million miles a minute.

I have been in a really negative funk. This is very unlike me. I know that is a direct attack from Satan. He is a meanie you know. I felt like a loser and a failure and all that stuff. I know those things are not true.

I am a winner and a positive person. I usally look on the bright side of things which is something I really like about myself.

That is not what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about faith and belief.

I know that if I have faith in Heavenly Father and belief in myself, then I can acheive all of my dreams and goals. My parents didn't do this and so I saw them fail time and time again. My dad did understand a piece of this because he tried to instill a dream in me. The problem with him, was he would dream and not do anything about it. I use to be like this until The Secret came into my life. I am still trying to learn how to use it and make it work. For me I know that Heavenly Father makes all things possible. I know that we can achieve everything as long as we are more positive then negative. I feel that we need to see the good and not focus on the bad so much. I know that is not an easy feet. I have a family member in my life that is really difficult for me as well. I want to make sure I am positive so I am going to type an affirmation for myself and if you want to use it for yourself, please feel free to go ahead and use it. I want to achieve a world where Women know how wonderful and powerful they really are.

AFFIRMATION TO MYSELF

I am a wonderful, confident and successful Woman.

I am capable of doing anything I set my mind too!

My dreams are so important to me and I always get what I want.

I live life with a full heart and an open mind.

I see the good in everyone, including myself.

Goodness flows through me and to me. I am a magnet of all good things

I am a money magnet. Money just shows up from everywhere.

My troubles are small and my joys are big.

I am the true sense of success and I know happiness and bliss

I love with my full soul and am living my life with gratitude.

I love my Heavenly Father and am thankful for him each day.

People are drawn to me and I am drawn to all good people as well

I love you

My Birthday!

Wow, my 39th Birthday, what a ride. I had the flu the night before, so I was feeling a little sick today. I was fine until my son Coye just kept fighting with me all day long. I got so sick and tired of it and I kind of freaked out!!!! I think that it should have been my special day.

I was trying to deal with it. I just figured out that I don't like my Birthday! I don't like getting older. I just want to be young and beautiful!

Every Birthday reminds me of all the failures I have. I feel like I have not measured up to everyone else. I am so afraid of the failures and sometimes I think that holds me back.

I want to succeed and flourish with my life and myself. I miss who I use to be. I am so sad!

I will be fine. I just want to scream. I am not very happy today. I hate it and the only thing I have to look forward to is 40!

• love ya!!!!!

My Rant!

I can't understand how people can be so heartless and rude sometimes! It's funny to me how you can want to be in a service position like a police officer or a nurse and then not like to deal with people.

I have had two count them two run ins with Sheriffs at the court houses for Jury Duty.

I have an defibulator in my chest that regulates my heart beats and helps to save my life if my heart gets into an un-healthy beat! I am not allowed through the airport scanners nor the wands that they wave over you.

About three years ago, I had Jury Duty and I made my way down town to do my Civic Duty! When I saw the scanners and the Sheriffs, I told them that I have to have a hand pat down. The exact statement was "Well it's not your lucky day" "We don't have a female cop her so you either have to go through be wanded or go to jail for not serving Jury Duty". Then another Sheriff came at me with a wand as a second Sheriff came behind me and said "so i can't do this?" He then came at me with the wand like he was going to scan it over my chest". I freaked and backed up right into the other officer. There were so many people around that weren't saying or doing anything to help me. I then sat down in some chairs and just cried and cried and cried. None of them called a female down to give me a female pat search. Then this rookieish cop called someone. A female officer came down and patted me down and I proceeded to the Jury waiting room where I fell apart! I called my husband for some support over the phone and he freaked out and wanted to come down to "handle it as he called it". I of course talked him out of it. When I was finally called for my turn, the case settled and that should have been my duty!!! It wasn't They called me down another time. I said no way and I wouldn't do it ever again.

Funny thing my sister Genie got called for jury duty today. I took her down there because she didn't know where to go and she was nervous. She had to go to the county building instead of the city building. Well I knew what had happenend to me was an isolated incident. Nope! Different building, different time, but same old stupid reaction. I went to the Sheriff told him I have a difibulator and needed a hand search. He then said "SO" so, what the hell do you mean so you ass! Is what I wanted to say, but I didn't! I was soooo freaking mad. Then the other cop told me to come through and he grabbed the wand and turned it on. I told him "I can't have the wand it will demagnitise my device." He then said well we don't have a female officer to pat you down I guess you will have to wait. Okay this I can do, but come on I am not the only person in the world that has this situation. I waited and then this wonderful female officer came handled the situation and we giggled and I went on my way.

I am so tired of people thinking they are better then others. I feel that people are people no matter who they are an what they do. I think a badge on your chest doesn't make you better, it only makes you more responsible to up hold the law, be a good example and protect people. I have respect for the law, I am demanding the law have respect for me. I mean it. I won't take it anymore and I am going to file a complaint because this is crazy and im angry.

love ya!!!

Words of Wisdom!!

Anyone that knows me for any length of time knows that I am a Self Help junkie! I mean I look up quotes of successful people from the past! One quote I have been thinking about for awhile now is this:

If the facts don't fit the theory,

Channge the facts!

Albert Einstein

The lady that is pictured above is about one of the most amazing woman I have ever spoken with. She has cancer through her whole body and in her bones. She has two little children and her husband is an x olympic champion in vaulting! She gets up everyday goes to kimo then comes home works for 3 hours, plays with her children, excercises, fixes dinner, does skin care appointments and then comes home takes care of her family before going to bed. She does this day in and day out. She is TERMINAL but she knows that the doctors are not "God" She believes in herself and in hope and the future. She gives me so much courage. I shared my admiration with my Director with MaryKay "Krista Johnson" who went on a trip with her to Germany that they both won with Mary Kay. Krista told Eileen how much she inspired me and mentioned my health struggles. Eileen who doesn't know me took time to write me a note. Now I need you to realize she is a million dollar Director who is extrememly successful and has nothing to do with me or my business. She wrote the following note to me

Tammy Ballard,

I just wanted to drop you a quick note and tell you how TRULY and I mean TRULY proud I am of you!! Krista tells me you are in DIQ... Wow your willingness to invest the time, $, energy, effort to attend Seminar gave you the "experiences" to change your "belief" and now Tammy you are changing your future along with countless other women! How exciting is that???

Your courage & perseverence will inspire and motivate them.... Even though there will be challenges on the jorney, some physical, some emotional. Ive learned that when you do the "possible" everyday, the "impossible " shows up at the end of the year. You are becoming the MOST obidient Director with your full circle classes, phone calls, interviews because you dont & wont have the energy to do it over. That is part of what will make you great Tammy. We all know that each day is a gift and each day is an opportunity to live life to its fullest--- even if it's a day we may not feel great, there's still opportunity if we look for it!!! None of us, myself included knows what tomorrow brings and a "health situation" can actually cause you to crystalize your day be more on purpose, have an attitude of gratitude, operate with a sense of urgency, and be more others focused!! What a gift in itself!!!

Tammy, it won't always be easy or fun with your situation but LIFE is about what you Focus on and it looks like to me you"ve go incredible LASER Focus!! I would love a screaming message or e-mail when you finish Directorship... (phone number and email included) And you know why I know you are going to finish? Because you, my friend, have been through TOUGHER" remind yourself of THAT!!!

With the utmost belief

Eileen Huffman

What an amazing lady! This goes along with Ella's blog about just reaching out to someone who may need you! You never know the life you may touch. I think of Eileen so often and am so grateful that someone who lives on the other side of the country who doesn't even know me, could love me and encourage me and breath belief into me with such passion and intentment.

Thanks Eileen, I won't let you down------ Love Tammy

It's so funny that men who lived so long ago have the wisdom that I need today to make myself a success! Another quote I absolutely love is:

The only limit to our realization of tomorrow

will be our doubts of today!

F.D. Roosevelt

It just goes to show us that what we think about we bring about. These powerful men are calling to us to help us with our goals, no matter what we are trying to acheive.

The significant problems we have

cannot be solved at the same

level of thinking which we created them

Albert Einstein

That last one gives me chills! If we are going to change we need to bring about a whole new existence of thinking! We cannot fix our problem with the same quality of thinking as we created it.

I have so many things in my life I am trying to change and become better at. It's like I have a hold of everything I ever wanted, I just need to figure out a way to make this work for me. I know I will!

Love ya

My heart is torn!!!!!

I love so many people and give so much of myself in any and every relationship. I am absolutely heartbroken by some and others never stop amazing me with their qualities.

I feel so sad for some and so happy for others. I find it so confusing to feel such happiness but such sadness at the same time. I know sometimes we feel like we would like the whole world to stop just so we can catch up or catch our breath.

I am finding that the people who we have looked up to for so many years are not who we thought they were, but then some who we might have taken for granted we find strength and then admiration in them.

I know I love to hard and cry to easy but I am true to myself and I wish I could make everyone and everything better for all; although deep down I know it is not my job nor my right. I wish I could be happy without remembering that some are sad. I wish I could feel sad without remembering some people are even more sad then I.

Hope is still alive! I know that Heavenly Father hears my prays. I know that I love my children like nothing I could ever explain. I am sooooo grateful for my friends who have shown me it's okay to be me even when the rest of the world doesn't agree. I know that my husband will hold my hand through my whole life even if I am bald, riddled with Cancer. I will be there for him as well. I know that my heart overflows for most and animals hold a special place in my heart and deep in my soul! I know I want to be a better person and stand up for my convictions without worry of backlash or making others uncomfortable. I know most of all that I will always stand by the person. I believe in supporting the people I love even if I don't like what they are doing! Free agency is for all and not for me to judge.

I am thankful!!!!!

Love

Tammy

This is a must see

I am so excited to share this with everyone! I truely am involved with the greatest company and wonderful woman. I just couldn't help sharing, so I can help others.

Click on the link below!!!!
I love you!
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=4802246n

1st Entry

Okay This is my first blog entry! Wooo Whoo! My friend Ella told me all about it and I thank you for that!

I just feel like talking about how blessed I have been recently to get a bunch of friends back in my life through the internet. What an amazing possibility for us all to re-connect. I am so excited to re-build relationships and catch up! You know who you are, Ella!

It's so funny to think some days we feel so all alone, but their might be someone out there thinking about you and longing to be your friend again. I wish we could feel the love that people think!

I am a very Random kind of person, so this blog may or may not be what you are expecting. I will just put things in here that I like and/or don't like.

I am grateful to you and love you all
Tammy Ballard (but you can call me Miss America)!