rambling

Well it has been a cople of weeks since i Last blogged! Well so much has been going on and I can't even begin to think or talk about it. It just seems as though all of my feelings are mushed up into one. I have dealt with love and loss the thought of loss, fights and laughter and anger... I have delt with pain, hatred, understanding and confusion. I am so mixed up on the inside and feel like I might never feel the same again.
Somethings that I alwayas thought I could count on I can't... Some that I thought I might never be able to count on and I can... I feel as though life has passed me by and if I miss one more boat, I might actually drown. I don't want to feel like I am a pain to anyone and I want people to want to be with me no matter what...
I want hand holding and laughter, I want long taks and smiles I want to catch a glimpse from across the room that I wasn't meant to see. I want love, everlasting love . I want the hurt to go and the love to stay. I want feelings to change and inspiration to prevail.
I am so longing for things that I am not living for what I have now and it has been this way for sometime now. I want this for me and for noone else. It's like my life begain before I could ever really start being myself... I think we find ourselves on a daily basis... Like before, I never really knew that I liked to look at the mountains and that sitting still can sometimes be entertaining. I didn't know that I liked to sit alone with my thoughts and that being alone doesn't neccessarily mean that you "are alone". I want wha I want but need to find satisfaction and gratitude for what I have now. I want to have health, vigor and energy.. I want peace happiness and wealth. I want my boys to have parents that they can look up to and aspire to be like and I want a spouse who has the same intersts as I do. I feel sometimes pulled in so many directions and although I know that I am not alone, I feel like it sometimes or that noone truly understands me. Well one does but she is gone and now im left to kangaroo watch all the time by myself.. I want to work on bettering me but feel like it is a waist of time and that im a loser, but I don't want to feel that way cuz deep down I think I know differently....
love tammy

A Blog

Well it has been a couple of days since I posted something on my blog. I have been realing with my Mother. it was crazy because we thought we were going to lose her and then the doctor came in and told us that she is improving. This is so funny, because she was talking to my father who died three years ago, telling us to raise our hands and the teacher would answer our questions, she thought I was steeling her Diet Coke. I was helping her and she would fall a sleep and then almost spill her drink, so I would go help her. She would wake up and then give me a dirty look and say "that is my Diet Coke and don't touch mine!" She was so mad at me. It was funny. When she woke up it was fun to tell her the stories. She felt bad because she didn't want to be mean to me. I told her it was funny and not to worry about it. I thought it was Hilarious! I am sooo glad that she will be getting out of the hospital soon. I am excited. She is moving in with David and myself. We will take great care of her. I know it will be hard work but after what we went through in the Hospital I am happy to take care of her.

Love Tammy

My Mom

So my Mom has been put in the hospital for the second time in one week. She has a disease called COPD, it is a certain kind of enphazema. This disease is rally bad. She is so addicted to smoking and has been since she was fourteen years old. She has tried to quite over and over again. She just cannot kick it. She lives in a smoke enfested house. She lives with my sister and brother-in-law who take care of her.... well im not sure that is what you call it. She sits in the basement all day long smokes and colors. I am sorry, but she doesn't even comb her hair and doesn't take a bath very often. She cooks dinner for them everynight.

Now this is a lady that can't move and breath, her fingers cramp up because she doesn't have enough oxygen. She takes like 6 Loratabs a day. This is just to get through it. I fill so badly for her. I want her to take responsibility for herself but she is older and they didn't know they were going to be addicted but they are. People are dying because of this disgusting habit and it saddens me to no end.

My father already died because of this same disease and I hate it. Now, my sisters and I are losing our Mother to the same disease. I want someone to be held accountable and I want it now. Now I understand everyone is accountable for themselves and I do understand that, but I can remember a Mother that would play with us, color with us, loved children to no end, she would laugh and she loved being a mother. Her only goal was to be a Mother and because of this horrible habit, she cannot be a good Grandmother. She just doesn't have it in her.

I am done being mad at her. I am done being quiet about this. I dont want another person to be hurt by such incompetence by companies or whoever is responsible.

This habit is not only bad for the person and families of the smokers but it is bad for the environment also. Im done and I hate it.

I want justice and I want it now. The only problem is it won't bring my father back and it won't keep my Mother here. I just know, im mad as hell and I want my Mom back.

I need to focus on making good changes and not focusing on the bad that comes from this but, my Mom turned blue in the emergency room today and it scared the "hell" out of me.

Love Tammy Ballard

What a game!

It was an interesting game against the Pleasant Grove Vikings! It was nice to see the team hitting so well, with everyone contributing.

Way to go Collin on your triple and Martavia came off the bench to have a big hit in the 7th inning as well. The pitching was really good, great job Coye, Blake, Nick and Preston. You guys really came to play the game.

It was a great ralley in the bottom of the 7th, but we fell short and loss the game 13 to 9.

The good part is we finished before the rain really started pooring. We are so excited to see you guys really shine through.